i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
