If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
FUCK WHALES
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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