Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
zippers are such a cool invention
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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