My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
