don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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