Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
