I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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