she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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