Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize