Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
