is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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