You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
