So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
