Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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