i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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