I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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