Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
