but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
