my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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