dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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