All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
