Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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