So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize