That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
