I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
