Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
