Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
