if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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