It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
