Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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