is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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