so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
