She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize