You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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