One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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