He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Randomize
