I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
