every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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