Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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