Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
