I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize