Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize