Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
