oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
