Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize