So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
