Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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