What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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