I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
