I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
