So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
