fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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