Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
