she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize