Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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