Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
