Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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