Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
