I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
