names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize