I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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