I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
50% drunk capacity currently
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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