i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
