Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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