Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
