I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
