Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
