Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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