I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
