why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just invented taco cereal.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
