he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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