Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
nutella sex= disaster
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
