You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
