It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
