If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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