i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
