I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm gonna fight the coyote
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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