the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
