I don't think brook has ever known best
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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