My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
