How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
