I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
