matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
