i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
