I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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