shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
