she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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