Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
