either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize