i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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